He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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