just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
