ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
