why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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