is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
