mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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