I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
