I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
