In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have demons in me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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