just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
