Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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