Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
