My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He felt like a one man threesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
