why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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