____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
