I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
