I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
