My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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