i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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