Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
