the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you inspire me to be a worse person
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
