i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
