i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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