You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
