he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
