No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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