he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
