I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
not ubering you a puppy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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