last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
