The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
