In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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