Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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