Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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