We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
