So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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