I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
