I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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