we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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