Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
