Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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