i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
