So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
