remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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