It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
