I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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