toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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