Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win