my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS