This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere