I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.