Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
