I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
