Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
