She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
