Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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