so explain again why im purple
no
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
