I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
