I want you more than these girls want KFC
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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