So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
