Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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